shyConfessiOns

HELLO! i had an experience nobody wans to go thru.. its really scarry!!!

like ghose story.. haa… u noe.. wen i moved in to Penang.. i stayed in dis hse.. we called it d haunted hse.. its really really scarry.. it has spider webs in the corners of the room.. real big spider webs.. and there got 1 storeroom… the scary thing was.. there’s RED paint on the floor and door of d storeroom.. i think someone who lived there spilled wan la.. its not painted u noe.. its like.. drops and drops.. so scary.. and my parents use to lock us inside wen were notti.. its really dark and full of stuff..

Then if u wan to go into d 2 bedrooms.. u hav 2 go tru d scarry way.. its shaped like.. "L" shape wan.. so wen u r walking there.. u wun noe got ppl on d other side or not wan..yer.. freaky.. and i once walked there and i tot i saw somthing bside me.. but wen i turn, its nothing.. guess its my imagination..

speaking of imagination.. i am d one with d craziest imaginations in my family.. tats y i can draw well.. ^^ heehee.. its a gift.. but its also scary wen i use my imaginations d wrong way..haa.. like imagining d wrong stuff.. (ghosts… hantu…) yer!!! i veli scared wan.. those days la.. its like a nightmare..

okok.. in d morning.. d hse wud be a paradise! i love tat hse.. in d morning la! we wud play all day.. we spend most of our time outdoors.. we hav a realli realli big garden tat surounds our hse.. then in d evening ah.. SCARRY!! wen u r walking alone or with someone somewhere in dat hse.. u will fell an eerie feeling wan..

ok.. so 1 evening.. wen my dad (a pastor..>>pastor Yew Nieng Song) was doing some deliverence (something like chasing out d "hantu s") in d church which is behind my hse.. something happened..

i was in a room alone.. i already biasa coz im quite brave tat time.. onli my imaginations scare me sometimes.. i was cleaning my desk..d rest of my family is in d bedroom.. i took an envelope and then i feel something wierd.. my whole face is numb and i cant concentrate on wat im doing.. (like wen u fell down realli hard? u’ll have tat feeling..) after 1 or 2 seconds.. a voice came and said…(in a rough man voice) YEEEEENN…… and i heard it.. then i auto SCREAMED and SCREAMED and screamed… and i ran and jump on my mom screaming "it wans meeeeee!!!"…. tat was realli scary!!

then my dad came bak wen my bro went and call him and prayed 4 me.. tat night.. my sis read a story to me.. (im standard 2) and i slept in between my parents (squashed up.. like kuih.. haha) and i slept..

around 5 in d morning.. i heard it again! YEEEEEEENNNNN……(my parents hu are squashing me cant even hear it!) i jump up from my sleep and started screaming again…. and it woke (and scared) everybodi up.. my emotions were not stable.. i had d fright of my life! its so deep inside me tat now im even feeling a little scared 4 recalling it!

and i always feel a presence with me evewhere i go.. and i scared my sis and bro wen i talk about it.. guess its d fright tat made me feel tat way.. but my family dunno wat i heard.. coz i wont tell them.. im afraid to admit the fact tat im afraid! coz i dowan d devil to noe tat im afraid or he will disturb me more! tats how i think last time.. wen i got better.. i told it to my family.. and each time i said it.. tears will flow from my eyes..

then i recovered after a week.. tru tat week.. i feel like a orang sakit jiwa.. even a slight sound of the radio bhind me scared me until i screamed and screamed and started crying.. it was a total NIGHTMARE!!!!! i never want to go tru tat again! from then on.. i slept with a hand covering my ear and a person mus b behind me.. or i will not sleep.. untill now i still am covering my ear.. but i finally got the guts to sleep on my own bed .. with God’s help.. he gave me the feeling of secure.. he takes care of me.. he wud not let anything bad happen to me.. he is watching over me!

God will make use of that experience in d future.. who noes? maybe a fren of mine will go tru something like tat and i can b there to tell her.. its ok.. i’ve been tru it.. i noe how u feel.. God will take care of it..

so… now im better.. and i learned to pray.. alot! after d incident.. b4 tat i onli prayed the lord’s prayer.. but it didnt mean anything.. coz i memorized it.. hahahahahha! Thank You Jesus! i LOVE U SO MUCH!!!!!!! guess tats all.. hope u understand wat i wrote in dis horror story.. hahaha!

-SieN-

Hello!!im kinda in a good mood today.. dunno y leh.. hahahaha.. thank God la.. he is d one hu grant me the joy.. and guess wat.. i was praying tat God will help me to forgive the ppl i haven’t forgiven tat day.. and my sis scolded me… bcos i duno how 2 forgiv.. and maybe she was right.. she said tat i didnt want to forgive a fren.. but i really wan to! she says that i wan to forgive d person bcus i think its right to do dat.. and btw.. its good 4 me to forgive!

but deep down in my heart.. i really dont feel like forgiving tat person.. bcus she didnt say sori and she hurt me so much! so i felt like she’s not worth to b forgiven..

so on tat day.. i ask 4 God’s help.. and guess wat? on the next day..(christmas-sunday) i went to a fren’s christmas party.. and there.. after dinner.. i sat down and saw a magazine on the little table..(its really crowded wid ppl and its noisy..) so i opened it and found a page where they teach u how to forgive and the "kebaikan" to forgive.. then it struck me.. WOW!! how cum so coincidence wan? it was God.. i noe tat..

i started reading and cut the long story short.. i felt better after reading it.. and i managed to forgive her this evening.. i kinda did wat she did to me.. to my sister.. my sis doesnt care la.. she biasa ade..haha! but i shouted "i hate u" to her.. she doesnt feel anything la.. but i realized that its REALLY not her (fren) fault! bcoz.. i heard..

"Anger is a process in which the mouth works faster than the brain". wow.. then i finally let go of my anger.. now i feel so released.. from a heavy burden.. wow!

God is so wonderful.. im glad he loves me.. and he loves everyone tat exist.. 4 those hu doesnt know this GREAT GOD.. y not ask him himself? ask him to show u who he really is.. God is love.. u noe tat? he always listens.. whenever u talk to him. he listens..

-in love- ^^

Haiyo.. life is so complicated.. i dunno la.. ppl hu reads dis might think its lame and stupid.. so wat.. see if u go tru dis! see izzit still stupid and lame..

ok.. wen i first moved in to kl.. i kinda "fell in love" wid 2 guys in church.. freaky right? okok.. then there was a girl in church hu also like one of d guys (guy 1).. ok lets call the 2 of dem .. guy 1 and guy 2.. so i had a little prob.. cuz d girl was realli nice but she like guy 1..so there’s a little problem in our frenship.. 2 yrs after dat.. guy 1 moved to another church.. (so saddd)

then a fren in my church brought another girl in.. she is really pretty and nice.. but she is not so well educated.. (her english not so gud) anyway.. she is nice and .. watever ….. but the BIG thing is.. she likes him 2! (guy 2)

then ah.. we bcame like.. really BEST frens.. and we noe tat each other likes guy 2.. but we always deny it infront of each other.. haaa.. then we went tru a lot ( i mean A LOT) of frenship problems.. and we had a fight

(a really BIG fight).. and juz bcoz of guy 2.. she hates me.. she shouted "I HATE U" in front of me.. tat was so bad!!!! omg! how can she do tat?? i dunno wat to reply her.. so i forced a smile.. tat really put a deeeeeeep hurt in my life.. until now.. i still cant find a way to forgive her.. im really struggling! i mean.. there’s the unforgiveness i have in me everytime i see her.. and she denied it wen i told her about it in a letter wen we’re in d big fight.. she said she was pulling a prank on me.. wat an excuse! i noe her too well to blive tat.. HELLO?? we were BESTEST of friends!

then early this year.. she kept on giving in.. she likes to say.. "u like him first.. even b4 i came 2 church so u shud be with him.. i hav no rights to like him.." i hate tat! why must she think like that?? well.. i always think tat liking a person doesnt mean we MUST b together with him.. right? and we were like.. 12! how can we think those love stuff….?? i always think we’re still so young! but i cannot scold her.. each person has their own way of thinking.. izzit?? now we are still friends.. but i am still struggling to forgive her 4 wat she said.. the many many hurting stuff she said without thinking.. i noe its not her fault.. but its jus.. im struggling la ok?

i dunno la.. a few months later.. i bcame a prefect.. and we were not so close anymore.. we also stopped liking guy 2.. at d same time.. then she had dis crush on guy 3.. which i also had.. at d same time.. well! we think too alike! we are like.. twins!!! freaky! then i tried to like him secretly.. i dun wan d whole thing 2 happen again!! no! but i dunno wat happen after dat and she suspects tat i like him too.. then she was sure i like him bcos a close fren of mine told her.. how can tat person b trusted?  i trusted my pals! i still dunno who told her..

aiyah.. tats all la.. i also gtg ade. tell more another day..

-crazie-

there’s also dis guy i juz recently liked.. i think i juz realized it last week.. it happened in a camp.. alot of stuff hapened.. i dunno la.. long story.. cut the long story short.. i like him! u noe wat d problem is?? BIG problem.. he likes my ******!!!! wat?? liddat also can wan arr??!! hu cares.. we dun have 2 b together wen u like someone.. rite? and d person dont have 2 like u back ma.. u like ma like la.. wat business does it has 2 do with d guy?? dats y la.. dumb… (talking 2 myself.. heehee..sott ade..) but its juz like that! of cuz ppl will wan 2 b with d person u like.. right? its juz like tat! i dunno y!! ok??

so.. now i reali GLOOOOOOOMIE… samore he (d guy i like..) ask me hu i like and samore ask me to tell my problems!! of cuz cannot tell la.. he wans 2 noe hu tat is, u noe??? aiyo.. sad case.. sad case.. hu cares?

i dun realli like him anyway.. i onli like **********!!!!! hahahahahahaah! the feeling might disappear soon anyway.. u noe la.. little girl’s feelings.. wierd rite? tats y most guys  dun understand how a girl thinks! but a girl will totally understand how ALL the girls think..

aiyah… tok tok tok… (like chicken.. hhahahahah) now tok untill so long dee.. i wan say bb deee! ok la.. tats all la kua.. wen i got thing 2 say i come back. >.< after writing this blog.. i realized tat im being gloomie 4 lame reasons.. so i cheered up ade.. cacat rite.. hahahhahahahah! i mus enjoy christmas ma! hor? anyway.. 2 days ago.. i dreamed about WATER and WATER and more WATER! its so scary.. its like everyone panicked in my dream trying to go to a safer place.. mainly.. its about flood. and the waves are like.. as tall as the building.. so scary! when i woke up.. i was feeling like.."wierd la, y i will dream of dis all of a sudden?" then.. it reminded me about tsunami.. yer.. its close to the end of the year.. and tsunami’s anniversary is juz tomolo! 26.12 !! samore a couple of ppl dreamed about water b4 last year’s tsunami.. so.. juz wanna let u noe.. bware la.. hu ever staying near penang.. ahaha! ok la.. tata.. crap la..

-crazie-

Haizz.. today.. as u noe.. is Christmas.. had a fun time.. in church especially.. so happi! got presents! (aiyah.. small girl thinking is liddat wan lar) i got 15 presents.. less than last year la.. okok.. watever..

so.. today i felt so gloomie.. dunno y leh.. there is dis guy i like.. he’s a gooood guy.. and leng chai! but he doesnt like me.. do u noe the feeling wen d person u like (hu dunno tat u like d person) is having a baaaaaaaad time strugling tru relationship problems… and telling U?? u noe the feeling? maybe i AM still small.. as ppl say.. "small girl dunno anything wan la..". but small grl is not tat small anymore! im NOT small! tats wat my sis (radiance) always remind me.. but i already biasa feel like small girl.. and in my mind.. i see myself as a small girl.. u noe.. lame and stupid and .. u noe! i am also always treated like small girl bcos of my size (i think?) and maybe coz others are too ”old"  so they see me as a small girl.. so.. i feel tat writing this blog.. especially about hu i like, is really lame.. coz.. its like i have not reached d age to like ppl yet.. "its juz a crush.. no big deal…" haiz.. i dunno la.. i dun like to b treated as a small girl u noe.. actually..

so.. this guy i like always tell me about his problems..with d people he likes.. and he sounds like he’s gonna die… so i tried to cheer him up.. i want him 2 feel better.. but i wasnt a very good "sad ppl comfor-ter".. i realli dunno wat to do wen i see ppl sad.. or cry.. like gonna die..  hahaha! but to him.. im juz a really really small girl.. so wat to do? as long as he’s happi rite? but i cant help but feeling the pain when u see him wit other girls.. haiz.. hope whoever hu is reading dis understands me.. (sori if got spelling error.. i not gud in english.. lol)

-gloomie-

haiz.. today very sien..this is my first blog.. i tot having a blog is like.. wasting time.. and i wont be writing in it even if i started one.. but now i so sien.. so start a blog la.. other reasons? its bcoz i dunno how i can express my feelings deeeeeeep down in my heart.. its so hard.. in case u dunno.. and i really need to share my feelings.. with whom? i dunno.. BLOG la.. so i mah start this lo.. ok la.. tats all. tata..

-gloomie-